


Mom of the Year

by verboseDescription



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Laura is a pta mom, and sometimes has to deal with her husbands shit, this is me trying to give Laura some personality and development
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:16:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6885157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verboseDescription/pseuds/verboseDescription
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This wasn't how Laura had planned for her week to go. She liked living a quiet life, not the one her husband lived. But she had gotten herself into this mess, so she was going to get herself out.<br/>A short fic about clint's wife from the mcu and the sort of stuff she has to deal with</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mom of the Year

                Her name is Diane Palmer and the first thing she does when she moves into town is become head of the PTA. Linda, who had been the leader for at least five years before Diane had even thought about coming to town, was trying to slyly usurp the other woman and gain back her throne by spreading rumors about Diane’s past and what kind of horrible additives where in her cookies.

                It didn’t work. Everyone knew Linda was just being a jealous bitch. But then the rumors she was spouting turned into facts, and the next thing Laura knew, Linda was begging her to “look into” Diane.

                What Laura wanted was to remind Linda that she had a child who was no more than a month old and could not be left alone for an extended period of time, but she thought Linda would probably just suggest having her daughter babysit and that was worse than anything Diane was possibly planning.

                So instead, Laura suggests that they wait for more evidence to pop up.

                “I know you want to make sure that nothing bad happens to us or our children,” Laura says, “But we can’t just go around accusing people. This is America, after all. Besides, if something goes wrong when we investigate, we’ll want the upper hand.”

                “I suppose you’re right,” Linda sighs, “It’s just… We hardly ever get anyone moving into our little town and I’ve certainly never heard of this uncle Diane says she inherited the place from.”

                “I know what you mean,” Laura agrees. Personally, she was more worried about how Diane always seemed to be prying into her personal life and asking about her husband.

                Linda thanks Laura for listening to her and promises to bring some “fun cookies” for her children the next time she comes over. Laura’s heard all about Linda’s cookies but accepts her offer anyways.

               

                “And you think she’s right?” Laura can hear her husband’s smirk from the other end of the phone.

                “You know what I think of Linda, Clint,” Laura replies.

                “I think you said she could be a good person if she got over herself.”

                “Clint.”

                “I know, she’s not that bad,” He amends, “But she exaggerates. So, what do you think of Diane?”

                “I think she’s a spy,” Laura says, “She has a good cover, but I’ve heard good cover stories before. And she keeps asking if I need help with the farm. She--,”

                “—you think she’s a spy because she’s too _helpful_?”

                “Clint. You _know_ what I mean. She wants information. So there’s only two people she could be after.”

                “… Alright. Yeah, I’ll warn Tasha too. One of us’ll try and come over soon. Just hang on till then.”

                “Don’t worry about me. I can handle myself. Now, tell me, what were you fighting again?”

                “Um… Bees?”

 

                After talking with Clint, Laura feels kind of like she’s been assigned a mission. Whatever Diane’s planning, she doesn’t think it could be anything important enough for either him or Natasha to come home. Which means the only thing to do is to deal with it herself.

                So, she decides to befriend Diane. Laura doesn’t invite her over, but she suggests that they get together sometime. Maybe get coffee in town, or play tennis with Linda. Laura makes sure they’re never alone together, but tries to be as friendly as possible. If she’s a spy, Diane probably noticed. If not, then there’s no harm done. If Laura was Natasha, she would have had enough skill to find out what Diane wants and all of her weaknesses in a week.

                But, apparently, Natasha is off fighting bees. So Laura tries her best.

                She only realizes the mistake she made once she sees Diane sitting on her couch with the smile of someone who knew that she was exactly where she wasn’t supposed to be. Laura wasn’t a spy. She couldn’t work as fast as Natasha.

                But Diane could.

                “Hello there Diane,” Laura greets, trying to keep her voice even.

                “Laura, it’s so nice to see you,” Diane responds, as if they had just run into each other on the street, “I hope I’m not intruding, but I just _had_ to stop by.”

                “Is there something you need?” Laura asks. If her children were home, one of them would have called Clint by now, but they were still at school. The only one home besides her was Nathaniel, and all he could do was provide her with an excuse to text Natasha.

                “Well, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d help out with your farm,” Diane smiles again, “I’ve heard some folks talk about how you had such _nice_ boys working for you but I haven’t seen hide nor hair of either of them, so I figured they must be taking off.”

                Laura bit her lip. She couldn’t very well say that the only “farm hands” she had were Thor, the literal God of Thunder, and Captain America having a fight over who would be able to last longer working her farm. Neither of them lasted more than a week, but occasionally they held rematches. For some reason, the fact that Laura had had attractive blond men working for her spread so fast she had to make up a cover story.

                “They’re just family friends,” Laura says, “Sometimes they come to help out, but they have their own lives.”

                “So I’m guessing that means you’re here alone?” Diane asks. She looks so innocent that every molecule in Laura’s body is telling to lie if she wants to survive the day.

                “For the moment,” Laura admits, “Unless you count Nathaniel. But I am expecting a friend to visit me today.”

                Laura is not her husband, after all. She’s actually a pretty shitty liar.

                “Well, I’m sure they won’t mind if we have a little chat before you meet up,” Diane grins in a way that makes Laura expect to be shot. Idly, she wonders if Clint left any bulletproof vests lying around. She should have asked him when he called. She should have been preparing for something to happen.

                “Of course,” Laura smiles back at Diane, “What did you want to talk about?”

                “Nothing much,” Diane drawls out as Laura tries to call Natasha’s cell without the other woman noticing.

                “I was just hoping for a casual chat between friends,” Diane explains.

                “That sounds grand,” Laura replies. Could Natasha do anything? She was probably just as busy as Clint was saving the world, though Laura had faith that even if she couldn’t get there fast enough to _do_ anything, Natasha would be faster than Clint.

                The fastest thing, of course, would be if she just saved herself.

                “I was about to bake some cookies, actually,” Laura continues, “I’m sure my kids’ll be hungry when they get home from school. It never hurts to have a treat ready.”

                “Then I guess we’ll take this to the kitchen!” Diane says agreeably. She stands up and Laura knows they’re both making a mental list of everything they could possibly use as a weapon.

                Laura knows she has the advantage, at least in that sense; Diane doesn’t know how she stocks her kitchen. She doesn’t know where the knives are. She doesn’t know how messy Clint can be, how he leaves arrows _everywhere_ but where the kids can reach.

                “You know, Diane,” Laura begins, “We’ve never really talked much about _you._ How’s your family? Kids doing alright?”

                “Well, you know my daughter.” Diane laughs. Laura didn’t. Diane’s daughter was quite girl who did ballet and never said anything unless her mother asked her to. Laura didn’t even know the girl’s name.

                “She seems like a good kid,” Laura smiles, “Can you get me some flour? I think it’s in one of the top shelves.”

                “Sure thing.” Diane turns her back and Laura finds a knife to hide behind her back. It’s a poor choice of weapon, she knows, but it makes her feel more confident.

                The knife, it turns out, doesn’t matter because Diane hits Laura over the head with the flour, making her lose her balance. Diane pins her against a wall and hisses, _“Where is Natalia Romanova?”_ but Laura’s too disoriented to think about anything but how heavy the flour must have been and how big of an overkill all this was.

                “Did you know I just had a child?” Laura asks. Diane slams her against the wall.

                “You know what I want,” Diane growls, “I know you do. You’ve been careful; I can barely use anything you’ve said. But you’ve forgotten one thing: you’re just a housewife. And I've been training to do this all my life.”

                Laura doesn’t say anything. Her head hurts, but she needs to get this woman out of her house before her kids come home. So she’s got at least an hour to find a way to restrain Diane and get an agent to take her away.

                _If Diane could have this done in time, then so can I,_ Laura thinks, but she doesn’t believe it. Diane knows what she’s doing. Laura can’t even think straight.

                “Why find me?” Laura asks. She dropped the knife when Diane hit her, but there had to be _something_ in this house for her to use. She feels around the pantry behind her, hoping Clint hadn’t moved the arrow she knew was there, hoping Diane would see it as just desperation, “I’m just a housewife, after all.”

                Diane rolls her eyes. She knows Laura’s stalling; it was obvious, but she answers anyways.

                “You’re the closest thing Natalia has to family.”

                “You're wrong,” Laura replies, her fingers finally finding what they had been looking for, “We _are_ her family.”

               With that, Laura wrestled her way out of Diane’s grasp, succeeding only because she had element of surprise and because she headbutted Diane. As soon as she was free, Laura activated the arrowhead in her hand, spraying the other woman with a liquid that quickly solidified as soon as it touched her, sticking her to.

              Diane wasn’t going to go anywhere.

              Before Laura had time to catch her breath, her phone rang.

              “Laura? It’s Natasha. Are you okay? I’m almost there.”

              “Oh hey. Tasha,” Laura replies, trying very hard to sound casual, “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. But uh, bring some handcuffs? Or whatever you fancy agents use to capture people nowadays.”

            Laura looks at Diane and frowns. It was going to be a really big hassle to get her off the wall.

 

            Lila and Cooper get home to the smell of baking cookies. Their mom opens the door and welcomes them home.

            “Who’s making cookies?” Lila demands.

           “It’s Aunt Natasha,” Laura says, “Don’t go into the kitchen, though, Natasha doesn’t like people to bug her when she’s cooking.”

           Lila exchanges a look with her brother. Natasha _loves_ when they bug her, no matter what it is. She _loves_ them. But Lila didn’t argue with cookies.

           “Okay,” She says, “Can we watch TV while we wait?”

           “As long as you make sure to do your homework,” Laura replies, “Now Mommy is going to lay down for a bit. Call me your father bursts through the door shooting arrows.”

          Cooper looks at his sister.

          “Do you think she’s joking?” He whispers.

          Lila shrugs.

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to write this all the way back when age of ultron came out otl. If it feels a little rushed, it's probably because I ran out of steam.  
> I wasn't pleased with Clint having a wife, but if he was going to have one, she might as well be a character. I might write a sequal to this though? Probably about one of the kids meeting Diane's "daughter"


End file.
